Still after 1 year I feel only a little better than I did before and still think about Jake almost constantly whenever my mind is not kept busy. I have gotten a little better focus and am attempting to re-construct my life after so many changes in the last 3 years. I am trying to get my edge back.
Watching the video brought back so many realities. What a great human being we lost. How he made us laugh, learn and cry.
Indy, Jakes dog is still with us. I am pretty sure Jake is telling him things to do to annoy me, but despite all his barking and idiosyncracies, he drags his little dog bed across the room with his paws to wherever I am and sleeps next to me while I work. Many people have had dreams with Jake in the dream. Some people believe that Jake is actually visiting them in their dream. After all of the things I have witnessed this year I do not doubt it. I have had many signs which indicate to me that he is absolutely ok and somewhere else very good, but I have not had any dreams. I suspect that when Indy finally joins Jake, and with Jakes sense of humor, he will send Indy to be in my dreams and bark through them all night.
It is a strange thing to contemplate what to do on Saturday. I did not want to sit around in a group and mourn. I have decided that the best thing to do is something for someone else, a tradition I had started on the 9th of every month. This Saturday, Pam and I are going to take Indy to dog beach. The last time we went was before I went to India and it was one of Jakes wishes to see Indy experience the beach. He loved it and got so exausted he did not bark for 2 days.
I can't think of anything better to do than something for the dog he loves so much. For those who may be wondering what to do or say...don't worry. No call needed. I understand that there are no words. Everyone has shown me in the last 3 years how much they care about us. From family to friends to all the people who worked in the doctors offices and hospitals and also became our friends, If you feel you would like to comunicate on this day, I will be happy to get a email note or a call just to say hi. Don't worry about what to say. Again, there are no words and you have all shown me how much you care in the last three years. Watching the video though happy and sad was such a nice reminder for me of all the people that care about us. I treasure my friends and family.
For those of you that might want to view the memorial video, I have included it here. Although sad in some respects, I believe it will also make you smile between tears to remember such a kind, funny sweet person. http://www.intelligentsolutions.tv/video/jacobpastelmemorial.wmv
