The topic of the day today was..guess what... Jake. I was talking to Marshall about Jake (Marshall calls me at least once a day) We talked again about how hard it is to come to terms with the reality of not seeing Jake again. The reality that he is no longer on this Earth and how hard that is to cope with. We talked again about the fact that you never get over it but simply survive it. However somewhere in the conversation I decided that rather than survive it, I need to LIVE through it. Meaning LIVE my life which is so precious. I really don't want to simply survive it. That is not much of a tribute to Jake who never complained and fought so hard against this devastating illness and yet always kept a smile on his face. I need to LIVE life for my and Jakes sake.
I went to my first grief group session tonight. I was not expecting miracles and did not get any. I did however get a sense of comradery being around others who lost their child. There were not really many answers just a sort of family or familiarity feeling. It was interesting to see that even some parents going on their 17th year of loss still have moments of utter sadness. This is something that will be with me for a lifetime but I will try and make my lifetime as nice as possible if for nothing else to honor Jake.
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