In this journey, I guess it is important to document my feelings as I go through this next phase of my life without Jake. I hope this will be helpful for others. I would not wish it this experience on anyone but some may have to face a similiar situation some day.
I am writing this while sitting at the airport waiting to leave for Phoenix to do some computer work. Once again I was caught by surprise when I walked into the airport and realized that the last time I was in an airport was with Jake. Once again I felt the familiar wash of panic and sorrow when I realized where I was. Another memory of Jake and I and now just I, that is under my belt. I am not too sure how many more of these there will be I only know that they will come as a surprise.
I am working more now although it seems strange to not be checking on Jake every few moments. I am in the process of re-inventing my life after being a caretaker for the last 2 years. I walk around the house a lot in a fog but as the days go by I seem to get more work done than the day before and have longer times in between the sorrow. Still, when I reflect on the fact that I am doing a little better I begin to think about the fact that he really is gone and that reality hits me hard. If there is one consolation in all of this, I no longer have any fear of dying as I believe I will see him then. Don't let this make you think that I am suicidal, I am not. There is just some type of comfort knowing I will see him again one day.
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