I think of plans ranging from all day movie watching to walking on the beach or just sitting in the library writing. Maybe I should try to do something nice for another person today. I spend a good part of my life with these thoughts in the back of my mind but they travel right to the front of my mind as Jake's anniversary gets closer. Finally, I take out my memorial candle given to me 3 years ago today and light it. Then I place it on the mantel next to Jake's picture and continue to try and deal with how wrong it is that I own a memorial candle for my son.
I will go see "The Adventures Of Tin Tin tonight perhaps with my kids and with Pam. I think on some level I will imagine that Jake and Indy are doing some of the same heroic things as the people in the movie or at least having that much fun. And I will wonder if there is something to the fact that this movie about the adventures of a boy and his dog was directed by my favorite director Steven Spielberg and released during a very difficult time of the year. The more I try and figure things out, the more confused I become. The only thing I have really figured out is that this day and the days leading up to it are very difficult and without answers. It is very strange to be celebrating death days instead of birthdays. Pretty sure I will never get used to that. Anyway, here's to life "Le Chaim" and hoping for a good day and something very positive to write about tonight.
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