Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Again
Hit from behind again. I have been feeling better and almost feeling guilty about it. Little by little it has become slightly easier to walk by his room and to see pictures. Then listening to my voicemail messages of many people that called to wish me happy birthday I up came the message from Jake that I had saved. Wasn't expecting it and although I will never delete it (it is also on the video I made) I was hit with the shocking sadness that I will not see my son in this life ever again. I was talking to Kate my Dads wife and my stepmom yesterday. Kate also lost her daughter over 25 years ago. She told me and I agree that the hardest thing is the continual realization that they are physically gone from this world and you cannot see them again in this life. You try to think of them as off to school or camp or on vacation but that reality of their death keeps hitting you and it is shockingly sad. Even after the many years since Elaine, Kates daughter died of cancer she still even now suffers the loss and misses her from time to time. I guess I am in for a long haul. Everyone thinks I am doing so well but sometimes I wonder if I am just a good writer. I miss my little Jake.
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3 comments:
We think about you and Jake every day, it's still almost unbelievable. We're glad you have some clear moments where you can breathe through the fog...love always, B and P
Dude, Just know I think of you and Jake every day and say a little prayer for you. Love and miss you.
Dude
I know what you mean Dan..I lost my wife three years ago and experience the same feelings. To top it it all I lost my dad around two weeks ago after a prolonged battle with Prostatic cancer. As you said in one of your earlier blogs, much as one wants to, one cannot, and must not give up for the sake of the rest of the family. Take care
Dr. Bakshi, India
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