Hello World

I have not fallen off the face of the earth. I seem to be doing a little better, accent on little. I still have an impossible time really accepting the truth, and I probably never will. At least a few times a day I stare at a picture of Jake, maybe one on the refrigerator or in a frame on the wall. Sometimes I will see a file or directory on my computer while I am looking for something else. Then I just sit there for a moment and contemplate the fact that I really have lost Jake. The Laurel to my Hardy, one of my most precious friends. To realize again and again that he actually is gone is so sad and I find myself saying "This is just unbelievable and so wrong." I still do not seem to be able to go through more than 2 or three days between crying and breakdowns but they slowly seem to get a little further in between and I still feel like I am walking around in a daze.
On a more positive note, I was fortunate to spend an hour with a prominent psychic medium last week. I am sure this is a controversial subject and I have my own set of doubts and questions. However, after speaking with this person who seems to be able to talk to people on the "Other Side" I found myself more comforted than before and more confident that Jake actually is ok, just somewhere else. It was not so much any concrete facts or realizations (even though there were quite a few) but more in how the medium talked about Jake and his sense of humor and personality even though she had never met him. In the end, as I say, I believe he is happy, healthy, learning and having fun now. I believe I will see him one day and we will all be happy again. Unfortunately the struggle now is to be happy until then and it is a struggle. I have heard so many talk about how they hate their birthdays and are sad to be another year older. Each time I hear this I think about Jake and want to remind them that to grow older is better than the alternative. Fortunately for most, the loss of a child is not something they can wrap their heads around and something I hope they never have to deal with. Every day we are on this earth is a gift.
I am in the process of re-inventing myself after having lost so much in the last 3 years. I have applied to several companies for various possible positions and am re-building my computer business. Not sure how long it will take. It has been a long drop from being a homeowner with 2 companies to where I am now. I miss my theatre but I am happy to be in a home with heat and basic comforts.