I have been feeling the need to write lately. A lot of things happening in my life while at the same time not a lot of things happening. Financially, I am pretty much the same. Still trying to eek out a living that is consistent enough that I can get back out on my own. Unfortunately that is not yet happening, but I continue to send out resumes and do a variety of side work from I.T. to video production. I am fortunate that I know how to do a lot of things.
At times I feel somewhat obsolete. Technology has changed significantly since 2005 when I had a thriving repair business, and worked as a programmer for a computer dating company. The products I used to repair are now pretty much disposable and the dating company has been replaced by social networking. It seems to have had a somewhat negative toll on my self esteem and I struggle to not feel useless. I am learning to deal with it and push on hoping for a new break. I feel like it is going to happen soon, I don't know why but I just feel it.
Several months ago while doing some I.T. work at a clients, I happened to meet a very interesting gentleman. He is mostly blind, struck by an illness called low grade glaucoma . He was left with significant tunnel vision. An avid tennis player he somehow is still able to play tennis even though it is difficult for him to do anything else without assistance. Simple activities such as walking down the street must be done with an assistant.
His story is located at this link:
http://carlsbad.patch.com/articles/nearly-blind-carlsbad-resident-plays-tennis-daily-video#video-11766852
We struck up a conversation and he told me that he had also lost a child. His daughter died at the age of one and one half possibly due to SIDS. When he told me this I felt an immediate connection. Perhaps because I knew that he could feel and understand the way I felt about losing Jake. Here was someone who went through the loss of a child just like me.
In talking to him, I found out that he had written a few novels and had been hoping for years to get them edited and published. He also was interested in starting a blog. The problem with doing any of this was his lack of vision which made writing an impossible task.
As he spoke to me my mind was already thinking ahead. I thought maybe I could help this man and perhaps he could help me. Because of my technical and creative skills perhaps I could use technology to help him get some of his dreams accomplished.
I talked to him about the possibility of setting up voice to text dictation wherein he could talk and the computer would type for him. This made him very excited and we decided to meet at his house later that week. When he left, I started to feel nervous thinking "What am I getting myself into? I need to worry about myself now not anyone else!" However I knew that helping others is always the right thing to do and as they say when you give, you get back, at least that's what they say.
So, I showed up at his house and we tried to setup vocal dictation using voice dictation software. The idea was sound, but there was an aspect of my idea that I had not thought to consider. Because he was from Puerto Rico he had a strong accent and although he spoke English very well, the software could not learn his dialect. Additionally, it was hard to train the software because he could not read the text that the software needed to hear to learn to recognize his dialect.
So we decided to go into manual mode and I helped him create and update his blog. We became instant friends. There was some type of kinship we shared that was more than just the loss of a child. Our senses of humor were similar as were our values and we just hit it off. After we finished the blog we decided to start editing one of his novels which he called THE Interview. The basic idea behind it was four reporters that get the chance to interview God and ask him so many of the questions we all would like to know, all of the whys.
I would meet at his house every Monday and Wednesday for two hours each day and we would edit the book. And this is where the magic started to happen. We just kept becoming closer friends. Part of the book was based on his life which was full of heartache and sadness. He was able to successfully intertwine some of his life experiences into the story and allow the reporters to ask God questions. Questions that I ask day after day such as "why did I have to lose Jake?" Time and time again, we would stop as the story touched both of us and start crying about our similar situations. For him, it had been 45 years since the death of his child, for me I was going on three and one half. We had great discussions, sometimes for hours on end discussing why and how to move forward. I asked most, if not all of the questions. Everything from Jake to my divorce, and the loss of most everything I owned. Through his answers and his book he gave me so many of the answers I needed and helped me through the grief process more than I ever thought possible. He told me that when I start to feel bad about Jake, to try and stop and just thank God for the time that I had with him. To appreciate every moment I had with him any time I started to feel sad (which is still every day)
I am doing better lately. For the last several months, better than I have for the last several years. I will never get over Jake and even as I write these words, a deep sadness starts to fall over me, but I stop and am just thankful for all the time I did have, and look forward to seeing him one day. And I am thankful for Frank, that's right Frank Maldonado, this man who has helped me to get through some of these hard times. Frank who coincidentally or not coincidentally is the name Jake gave to his tumor. Maybe Jake is up there somewhere setting this whole thing up. Maybe, almost certainly, there is a lot more going on in life than we ever give credit for. Maybe there is some sort of a plan after all.
At times I feel somewhat obsolete. Technology has changed significantly since 2005 when I had a thriving repair business, and worked as a programmer for a computer dating company. The products I used to repair are now pretty much disposable and the dating company has been replaced by social networking. It seems to have had a somewhat negative toll on my self esteem and I struggle to not feel useless. I am learning to deal with it and push on hoping for a new break. I feel like it is going to happen soon, I don't know why but I just feel it.
Several months ago while doing some I.T. work at a clients, I happened to meet a very interesting gentleman. He is mostly blind, struck by an illness called low grade glaucoma . He was left with significant tunnel vision. An avid tennis player he somehow is still able to play tennis even though it is difficult for him to do anything else without assistance. Simple activities such as walking down the street must be done with an assistant.
His story is located at this link:
http://carlsbad.patch.com/articles/nearly-blind-carlsbad-resident-plays-tennis-daily-video#video-11766852
We struck up a conversation and he told me that he had also lost a child. His daughter died at the age of one and one half possibly due to SIDS. When he told me this I felt an immediate connection. Perhaps because I knew that he could feel and understand the way I felt about losing Jake. Here was someone who went through the loss of a child just like me.
In talking to him, I found out that he had written a few novels and had been hoping for years to get them edited and published. He also was interested in starting a blog. The problem with doing any of this was his lack of vision which made writing an impossible task.
As he spoke to me my mind was already thinking ahead. I thought maybe I could help this man and perhaps he could help me. Because of my technical and creative skills perhaps I could use technology to help him get some of his dreams accomplished.
I talked to him about the possibility of setting up voice to text dictation wherein he could talk and the computer would type for him. This made him very excited and we decided to meet at his house later that week. When he left, I started to feel nervous thinking "What am I getting myself into? I need to worry about myself now not anyone else!" However I knew that helping others is always the right thing to do and as they say when you give, you get back, at least that's what they say.
So, I showed up at his house and we tried to setup vocal dictation using voice dictation software. The idea was sound, but there was an aspect of my idea that I had not thought to consider. Because he was from Puerto Rico he had a strong accent and although he spoke English very well, the software could not learn his dialect. Additionally, it was hard to train the software because he could not read the text that the software needed to hear to learn to recognize his dialect.
So we decided to go into manual mode and I helped him create and update his blog. We became instant friends. There was some type of kinship we shared that was more than just the loss of a child. Our senses of humor were similar as were our values and we just hit it off. After we finished the blog we decided to start editing one of his novels which he called THE Interview. The basic idea behind it was four reporters that get the chance to interview God and ask him so many of the questions we all would like to know, all of the whys.
I would meet at his house every Monday and Wednesday for two hours each day and we would edit the book. And this is where the magic started to happen. We just kept becoming closer friends. Part of the book was based on his life which was full of heartache and sadness. He was able to successfully intertwine some of his life experiences into the story and allow the reporters to ask God questions. Questions that I ask day after day such as "why did I have to lose Jake?" Time and time again, we would stop as the story touched both of us and start crying about our similar situations. For him, it had been 45 years since the death of his child, for me I was going on three and one half. We had great discussions, sometimes for hours on end discussing why and how to move forward. I asked most, if not all of the questions. Everything from Jake to my divorce, and the loss of most everything I owned. Through his answers and his book he gave me so many of the answers I needed and helped me through the grief process more than I ever thought possible. He told me that when I start to feel bad about Jake, to try and stop and just thank God for the time that I had with him. To appreciate every moment I had with him any time I started to feel sad (which is still every day)
I am doing better lately. For the last several months, better than I have for the last several years. I will never get over Jake and even as I write these words, a deep sadness starts to fall over me, but I stop and am just thankful for all the time I did have, and look forward to seeing him one day. And I am thankful for Frank, that's right Frank Maldonado, this man who has helped me to get through some of these hard times. Frank who coincidentally or not coincidentally is the name Jake gave to his tumor. Maybe Jake is up there somewhere setting this whole thing up. Maybe, almost certainly, there is a lot more going on in life than we ever give credit for. Maybe there is some sort of a plan after all.
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