Last night was the wake and vigil. Many people came to pay their respects and speak about Jake. I had finished my memorial video which I will be posting later for those of you that could not make it but would like to see it. It was a labor of love and one of the more difficult things for me to do but it turned out nice. I had to create it over the course of several days as it was a very emotional process. At times I actually enjoyed the moments of looking at pictures of Jake before he was sick and behaving like a normal teenager. The video seemed to keep him alive and right next to me as I was making it. In the end I get mixed feelings of joy and sorrow. Joy for what was and sorrow for the same. I had always figured on making a wedding video not a memorial.
I went over to the church early with my children and niece. It felt so strange to be driving in a car dressed up to go to my sons wake. I knew that my children felt the same way. Neither of us talked much. When I got to the church I was pretty sure I would be ok but when I walked in and saw the long welcoming table with a guest book in the center and a picture of Jake on both sides of it, the reality of what was happening hit me and then came the tears. I walked down the isle to the front of the church where another picture of Jake was along with various flower arrangements and his ashes in an urn I had picked up earlier (another lovely memory...NOT). At that point I decided I needed to walk out of the church and sit outside. As I sat outside I watched as slowly Jakes family and friends, all dressed in suits and nice clothes arrived. All I could think of looking at the site was "This should be a wedding not a Wake."
We sat at the front of the church (being one of the guests of honor you get to sit in the front row, another cruel joke) and I lost my composure again as soon as Father Brian began to speak. The evening went on as would be expected with several people sharing some fond memories of Jake and who he was. Then there was the hugging and people sharing their sorrow. It was as I say like a movie that I was watching outside of myself. As we drove home and I reached our street, the insanity and sadness of the last two years almost seemed comical and unreal. The idea that a cancer could invade my son and slowly destroy his body till we were left with only memories is a ridiculous thought that I have never been and will never be prepared for.
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4 comments:
I read this and thought I would share:
God of our life, there are days when the burdens we carry chafe our shoulders and weigh us down; when the road seems dreary and endless, the skies grey and threatening; when our lives have no music in them, and our hearts are lonely, and our souls have lost their courage. Flood the path with light, run our eyes to where the skies are full of promise; tune our hearts to brave music; give us the sense of comradeship with heroes and saints of every age; and so quicken our spirits that we may be able to encourage the souls of all who journey with us on the road of life, to Your honour and glory.
Augustine
Our prayers are with you.
Kim Barthelemy
We can't begin to feel your pain and loss, can only feel your frustration at this insipid disease...we're with you in every moment every day...Bea and Philippe
Hello Dan,
This is Brian Fish, Erics older brother. I just wanted to say that I am truely sorry for you and your families loss. Jake was definitly a character in his own novel in life. He will be truely missed by all. In addition, I also wanted to say thank you. Thank you for taking Eric into your home and not only allowing him to help, but in helping him as well. He needed you and your family. To be surrounded with people that shared the same love, respect, and overall gratitude for your son. You guys helped him in a way that no one else could. Only you could share the same level of compassion that he did for Jake and he needed that. I appologize for being the faceless Fish Brother through all of this. I hold you and your family dear to my heart and will always be there for anything that you need. I wanted to share a few lyrics from a song that has helped me in the past with emotional issues that I was dealing with.
"maybe things happen for a reason and wherein lies the answer.
to overcome the grieving of lifes unruly lessons. i'm handed
in sucession. it builds my pain which makes me strong. It's mine, it's pure and as decent as i can make myself. Inside, we all know, only the strong survive"
Your son was strong and so are you and your family. That is how I know that you all will survive through this.
Thank you and God Bless,
Brian
Dan, Marci and Family ~
I was honored and humbled to be able to go to Jake's Wake and Service. They were both beautiful. I have been thinking a lot about him today off and on as I go about my day, working. It seems a tragedy such as this could make the world stop, but it doesn't. Everything around me just carries on like normal, and it's strange, because it seems so abnormal. It's surreal and hard for me to describe. The church was packed both nights - Jake was so loved by all and the things that were said about him as family and friends spoke individually only confirmed that. You all worked so hard on everything. Though the video broke my heart at times, it also evoked joy and laughter. Thank you for letting me be a part of something so special.
Hugs, Betsy
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